Blessed and Broken

“I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground” (Isaiah 44:3).

Just one of the many verses that have been sent to me through e-mail, cards, texts, and phone calls over the past 2 days. 2 days... it feels like a year. Thank you dear friends, please keep them coming, my weary soul covets your prayers.

I do feel dry right now, I do feel thirsty, I do feel broken, I do feel needy, I do feel too many things to comprehend.

I do feel that schedules don't matter, plans don't matter, our "schemes" for what "we" should do with "our" lives are silly and inconsequential.

I spent a lot of time being selfish before all of this. I still feel selfish. My heart longs for my unborn child. I spent a lot of time talking about what was going to happen. What my life was going to look like. It wasn't malicious, or purposefully self-centered. But pretty much things were under control. Things are not under my control. That is ok. But that is a new reality. I said, "Lord willing..." but in my heart, I pretty much thought it would be my way.

I've been asking for forgiveness a lot. I want the Lord to know that I am totally His. His Will, His Plans, His Purposes. My mind and heart don't have room for anything else now. I can't walk without his Hand. One breath from Him and we rise or fall.

I know His plans for me are good. Satan won't defeat me, though he tries to slay me in the battleground of my mind right now. Strangely, right before all of this happened, I had been reading Isaiah 40 during my quiet times. It talks about how God is in control. How can I question his sovereignty in all of this?

"Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
And marked off the heavens by the span,
And calculated the dust of the earth by the measure,
And weighed the mountains in a balance
And the hills in a pair of scales?
Who has directed the Spirit of the Lord,
Or as His counselor has informed Him?
With whom did He consult and who gave Him understanding?
And who taught Him in the path of justice and taught Him knowledge?
And infomed Him of the way of understanding?
Behold, the nations are like a drop from a bucket,
And are regarded as a speck of dust on the scales;
Behold, he lifts up the islands like fine dust.
Even Lebanon is not enough to burn,
Nor its beasts enough for a burnt offering.
All the nations are as nothing before Him,
They are regarded by Him as less than nothing and meaningless....

Do you now know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is inscrutable.
He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might he increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.

Glory Baby

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby.. You were growing, what happened dear? You disappeared on us baby…baby.. Heaven will hold you before we do Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you… Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday Miss you in every way But we know there’s aday when we will hold you We will hold you You’ll kiss our tears away When we’re home to stay Can’t wait for the day when we will see you We will see you But baby let sweet Jesus hold you‘till mom and dad can hold you… You’ll just have heaven before we do You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard tounderstand it ‘cause we’re hurting We are hurting But there is healing And we know we’re stronger people through the growing And in knowing- That all things work together for our good And God works His purposes just like He said He would… Just like He said He would…

I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies and what they must sound like But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

And Baby Makes Three!

Ben and I are so excited to announce that we are expecting a little one April 11, 2009. It has been an amazing journey to this point, and we are so thrilled to begin this new chapter together. We truly covet your prayers as we ask for health and already the beginnings of a relationship wtih Christ for our new baby. I am going to my best to keep the blog updated with the latest of what's going on during my pregnancy. To begin, a Psalm that I have been meditating for the last 4+ weeks...

Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.

21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?

22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Such a comfort to know that our little one is being molded and shaped by a Sovereign and All- Powerful God!

Here is some video footage of our sonogram today , more photos are posted on my facebook site!

A Message from Team Hoyt

As the wife of a two-time Ironman (Arizona, and Kentucky), I have quite an admiration for the preparation and perseverance involved in the sport. I have seen first hand the dedication it requires. Not only does the athlete endure a 2.4 mile swim, followed by a 112 mile bike, and ending with a grueling 26.2 mile run--- it also involves thousands of hours of training over nearly a year before the event.

I was introduced to Team Hoyt by my husband, even before he started training for his first Ironman race. It is the inspiring story of sacrifice, unconditional love, and faith in a force larger than ourselves. As you watch the inspiring video below, I encourage you to think of the relationship we have with our Heavenly Father...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A son asked his father, ' Dad , will you take part in a marathon with me?' The father, who despite having a heart condition, says Yes.


They went on to complete the marathon together. Father and son went on to join other marathons, the father always saying 'Yes' to his son's request of going through the race together. One day, the son asked his father, ' Dad , let's join the Ironman together.'

To which, his father said 'Yes'.
http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=8cf08faca5dd9ea45513

Life Update

Thank you so much to all who have been praying for Life Larsen. She has made AMAZING progress, that none of the doctors can explain beyond God's hand. A litte snippet from Matt and Lauren's blog...

"Life is off the ventilator. We can see her little mouth again. Everything went great. Her oxygen saturation is better than ever. She is breathing all on her own. She is showing no signs of Pulmonary Hypertension at this point. Her head sono just came in ... the bleeding is unchanged and the ventricule dilation is resolving.

Good News,
Great Joy,
To All [of us] People!

God has come to rescue and restore! He has worked mightily. He has broken into the pain of our world, carried our burdens for us, restored us, and transformed our sadness to joy, our despair to happiness.

I got to hold Life first, since Lauren got to hold her already. I got so nervous. I kept asking "How do I do this?"

We sat in the rocking chair and had a staring contest for about 15 minutes. We eventually had to call a truce because I wanted to see my wife hold her.

I just kept thinking to myself, "My God, we have come ... You have brought us ... so far!" I am no longer holding the weight of the world on my shoulders, but rather a beautiful 6 pound baby girl in my arms. I used to feel stressed, now I feel like a father."

Pray for Life

If you are reading my blog today, please take the opportunity to visit the following link:
http://www.aroyalallegiance.blogspot.com/

Through our Bible study group from DBC, we have been praying for Matt and Lauren Larsen. Lauren had some complications during her pregnancy that resulted in periods of bedrest and such. Baby Life was born premature, but appeared healthy. Shortly afterwards, however, things quickly turned serious.

While Life has made progress, it seems to be 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Her current condition has the potential to cause severe brain damage. Pleae pray for her quick and complete recovery, as well as peace and comfort for Matt and Lauren.

I know that our God is the Great Physician, and can heal even the deepest wounds.

More Than You'll Ever Know...

I can't stop thinking about how blessed I am to have such a wonderful, PRAYERFUL family, and friends who are family to me! This is one of my favorite songs by Watermark, and it pretty much says it all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Something brought you to my mind today
I thought about the funny ways you make me laugh
And yet I feel like it's okay to cry with you
Something about just being with you
When I leave I feel like I've been near God
And that's the way it ought to be...

'Cause you've been more than a friend to me
You fight off my enemies
'Cause you've spoken the Truth over my life
And you'll never know what it means to me
Just to know you've been on your knees for me
Oh, you have blessed my life
More than you'll ever know,
More than you'll ever know

You had faith, when I had none
You prayed God would bring me a brand new song
When I didn't think I could find the strength to sing
And all the while I'm hoping that I'll
Do the kind of praying for you that you've done for me
And that's the way it ought to be...

You have carried me
You have taken upon a bruden that wasn't your own
And may the blessing return to you
A hundredfold,
A hundredfold