Hold Me Jesus

Well sometimes my life just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big And my faith just seems so small
So hold me Jesus 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul I swear there must be blisters on my heart
So hold me Jesus 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down
I'm falling on my knees

And this Salvation Army band is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin


I'm singing hold me Jesus
'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

Psalm 23:4

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.


No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.
C.S. Lewis

My Sentiments Exactly...

There's bound to come some trouble to your life
But that ain't nothing to be afraid of
There's bound to come some trouble to your life
But that ain't no reason to fear
I know there's bound to come some trouble to your life
But reach out to Jesus, hold on tight
He's been there before and He knows what it's like
You'll find He's there

There's bound to come some tears up in your eyes
That ain't nothing to be ashamed of
I know there's bound to come some tears up in your eyes
That ain't no reason to fear
I know there's bound to come some tears up in your eyes
Reach out to Jesus, hold on tight
He's been there before and He knows what it's like
You'll find He's there

Now, People say maybe things will get better
People say maybe it won't be long
And people say maybe you'll wake up tomorrow
And it'll all be gone
Well I only know that maybes just ain't enough
When you need something to hold on
There's only one thing that's clear

I know there's bound to come some trouble to your life
But that ain't nothing to be afraid of
I know there's bound to come some tears up in your eyes
That ain't no reason to fear
I know there's bound to come some trouble to your life
Reach out to Jesus, hold on tight
He's been there before and He knows what it's like
You'll find He's there

-Uncle Rich Mullins

Blessed and Broken

“I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground” (Isaiah 44:3).

Just one of the many verses that have been sent to me through e-mail, cards, texts, and phone calls over the past 2 days. 2 days... it feels like a year. Thank you dear friends, please keep them coming, my weary soul covets your prayers.

I do feel dry right now, I do feel thirsty, I do feel broken, I do feel needy, I do feel too many things to comprehend.

I do feel that schedules don't matter, plans don't matter, our "schemes" for what "we" should do with "our" lives are silly and inconsequential.

I spent a lot of time being selfish before all of this. I still feel selfish. My heart longs for my unborn child. I spent a lot of time talking about what was going to happen. What my life was going to look like. It wasn't malicious, or purposefully self-centered. But pretty much things were under control. Things are not under my control. That is ok. But that is a new reality. I said, "Lord willing..." but in my heart, I pretty much thought it would be my way.

I've been asking for forgiveness a lot. I want the Lord to know that I am totally His. His Will, His Plans, His Purposes. My mind and heart don't have room for anything else now. I can't walk without his Hand. One breath from Him and we rise or fall.

I know His plans for me are good. Satan won't defeat me, though he tries to slay me in the battleground of my mind right now. Strangely, right before all of this happened, I had been reading Isaiah 40 during my quiet times. It talks about how God is in control. How can I question his sovereignty in all of this?

"Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
And marked off the heavens by the span,
And calculated the dust of the earth by the measure,
And weighed the mountains in a balance
And the hills in a pair of scales?
Who has directed the Spirit of the Lord,
Or as His counselor has informed Him?
With whom did He consult and who gave Him understanding?
And who taught Him in the path of justice and taught Him knowledge?
And infomed Him of the way of understanding?
Behold, the nations are like a drop from a bucket,
And are regarded as a speck of dust on the scales;
Behold, he lifts up the islands like fine dust.
Even Lebanon is not enough to burn,
Nor its beasts enough for a burnt offering.
All the nations are as nothing before Him,
They are regarded by Him as less than nothing and meaningless....

Do you now know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is inscrutable.
He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might he increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.

Glory Baby

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby.. You were growing, what happened dear? You disappeared on us baby…baby.. Heaven will hold you before we do Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you… Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday Miss you in every way But we know there’s aday when we will hold you We will hold you You’ll kiss our tears away When we’re home to stay Can’t wait for the day when we will see you We will see you But baby let sweet Jesus hold you‘till mom and dad can hold you… You’ll just have heaven before we do You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard tounderstand it ‘cause we’re hurting We are hurting But there is healing And we know we’re stronger people through the growing And in knowing- That all things work together for our good And God works His purposes just like He said He would… Just like He said He would…

I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies and what they must sound like But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

And Baby Makes Three!

Ben and I are so excited to announce that we are expecting a little one April 11, 2009. It has been an amazing journey to this point, and we are so thrilled to begin this new chapter together. We truly covet your prayers as we ask for health and already the beginnings of a relationship wtih Christ for our new baby. I am going to my best to keep the blog updated with the latest of what's going on during my pregnancy. To begin, a Psalm that I have been meditating for the last 4+ weeks...

Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.

21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?

22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Such a comfort to know that our little one is being molded and shaped by a Sovereign and All- Powerful God!

Here is some video footage of our sonogram today , more photos are posted on my facebook site!

A Message from Team Hoyt

As the wife of a two-time Ironman (Arizona, and Kentucky), I have quite an admiration for the preparation and perseverance involved in the sport. I have seen first hand the dedication it requires. Not only does the athlete endure a 2.4 mile swim, followed by a 112 mile bike, and ending with a grueling 26.2 mile run--- it also involves thousands of hours of training over nearly a year before the event.

I was introduced to Team Hoyt by my husband, even before he started training for his first Ironman race. It is the inspiring story of sacrifice, unconditional love, and faith in a force larger than ourselves. As you watch the inspiring video below, I encourage you to think of the relationship we have with our Heavenly Father...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A son asked his father, ' Dad , will you take part in a marathon with me?' The father, who despite having a heart condition, says Yes.


They went on to complete the marathon together. Father and son went on to join other marathons, the father always saying 'Yes' to his son's request of going through the race together. One day, the son asked his father, ' Dad , let's join the Ironman together.'

To which, his father said 'Yes'.
http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=8cf08faca5dd9ea45513