Friday, September 23, 2011

More Than You'll Ever Know


That's the topic of this post.

Over the past few months, our family has been through a lot of stretching and pulling.  I know that is how the Lord works.  He loves us exactly the way we are, and yet His love is so deep that He refuses to let us stay that way.  I have a habit though, of resisting change.  Yet God in His kindness will continue the good work He has begun.  He won't allow me (or my family) to remain shallow.

To be honest, this pregnancy has been such a peaceful and easy and calm and natural experience for me physically and emotionally- but financially and spiritually it has challenged our family in ways I really wasn't prepared for.  It is funny how it always comes back to trust.  When I was pregnant with Emme, I spent the entire pregnancy learning about trust- and constantly having to lean into the Lord, knowing that He would take care of her and also letting go of so much fear after our miscarriage.  This time around, it has been facing another fear- namely, financial insecurity and fear of the unknown. 

I am so thankful to the Lord for allowing me to stay at home with my children.  There is truly no greater joy for me than to be with them every day, teaching, playing, knowing their little nuances, capturing every special moment.  It is a treasure that is priceless, and I am blessed, blessed, blessed by it!! I am thankful that my husband feels the same way, and that he works countless hours to make sure I am able to care for them.  Living on one income has never felt "burdensome" to me.  But when the costs of this pregnancy, and anticipating health care, and every day needs as JB arrives started to become more of a reality,  I confess it drove us to our knees. We still aren't sure about how it is all going to work out.  But what I am learning (over and over) is that God wants our family to rely completely and fully on Him alone. 

And am I so foolish not to believe His Word?  Doesn't He take care of simple things like birds and flowers?  Didn't He hand-pick JB and place him in my womb at just the right time?  Isn't He completely and totally aware of our situation- and isn't He bigger than our day-to-day anxieties? 

Even though I still don't have the answers, and the big picture is unclear, I know that God's timing is perfect... rarely early, but never late.  He is Jehovah Jireh, my Provider.  And there are people in my life that He is using in ways they probably can't even imagine to provide for our family's needs.  I am so thankful for those people (and you know who you are) who have allowed me to be vulnerable, have prayed with me, have lifted my family up in prayer, have provided babysitting, have given time and resources, have given generously in so many ways.  You are the hands and feet of Jesus. And when I am feeling weak and afraid, He has used  you, and continues to use you to encourage me and remind me of how big our God really is. 

I don't know how to repay my friends and family that have so willingly taken on our family's needs and cares and continue to love us sacrificially.  Thank you for being the body of Christ to me.  But I hope this song will share a little of my gratitude, as you mean to me More Than You'll Ever Know (courtesy of Watermark).

 Something brought you to my mind today
I thought about the funny ways you make me laugh
And yet I feel like it's okay to cry with you
Something about just being with you
When I leave I feel like I've been near God
And that's the way it ought to be...

'Cause you've been more than a friend to me
You fight off my enemies
'Cause you've spoken the Truth over my life
And you'll never know what it means to me
Just to know you've been on your knees for me
Oh, you have blessed my life
More than you'll ever know, yeah, yeah, yeah
More than you'll ever know, yeah, yeah, yeah

You had faith, when I had none
You prayed God would bring me a brand new song
When I didn't think I could find the strength to sing
And all the while I'm hoping that I'll
Do the kind of praying for you that you've done for me
And that's the way it ought to be...

You have carried me
You have taken upon a burden that wasn't your own
And may the blessing return to you
A hundredfold, oh yeah...
A hundredfold, oh yeah...